Milestone yesterday evening: first Gonal F injection. This video on how to prepare the Gonal F pen and inject was a lifesaver, particularly as my password wouldn’t work in the resource and video section of the clinic’s site.
As my pen is a slightly different model to the one in the video, after I clicked the dial to my dosage (75), I couldn’t double-check it against numbers at the end of the pen. So, I had a mini-panic when the pen didn’t go back to zero after I injected – it showed .25 instead. I wondered had I accidentally set the dial to .25, which looks kind of like 75, but realised I probably just hadn’t kept the needle in long enough to administer the full dose and had that tiny amount left. I did it again with the .25 showing on the dial and, unlike the first time, waited the full 10 seconds before removing the needle, and it went down to zero that time. So, all good. The literature in the box says to use the pen as your doctor has shown you. Yeah, right.
You don’t feel the needle going in – it’s very, very thin. I did it in the upper thigh as C suggested, which seemed a whole lot easier than hitting the right spot on the abdomen by yourself.
Other milestones this week – had my last beer and coffee on Wednesday. I’m going off the toxins as much as poss for this cycle. Still drinking tea but might stop that after the IUI. And I’m doing the lemon and hot water thing every morning. Can’t say I am managing to drink two litres of water every day but I am trying.
I am keeping my expectations as low as possible and trying not to expect this cycle to work. That might be easier said than done after the IUI, of course. If we get that far – I mightn’t have the right follicle size or number or there might be other complications, who knows.
But even if the IUI goes ahead, that’s just the first hurdle. The next is getting a positive result obviously. The one after that is getting the positive to stick. We test so ridiculously early; I bet a lot of women under normal, non-fertility treatment circumstances don’t have a clue they are pregnant at two weeks. Then, if the pregnancy sticks, the baby might not be okay and carry to full-term. And then there’s labour to get through safely, haven’t even started to think about that one.
I may sound downbeat and this is not to be overly negative – I need to be realistic and not get my hopes up. I read about girls who are devastated after a negative result, crying for days. I need to take this one step at a time. It’s actually great that I am busy at work, as I won’t be wafting around itching to test.
If it did work though, that would mean no coffee or alcohol for who knows how long. And I am looking at my tampons this period and wondering will this be the last I see of you little guys for a while. Strange thoughts.
I was at a funeral yesterday morning. Looking at the generations of a family there to pay their respects, I thought about the cycle of life. There are some who don’t want a family, but for others it feels natural to want kids. Single people who want children are just the same as people in relationships who want children. We are just being human.
People are born and people die. A lot of us have the urge to procreate to keep that cycle going, simple as that. And women are reminded of this every month from their teens to the time they stop menstruating. It’s a huge thing to deny if you feel it’s the natural thing for you.
There’s nothing I want more right now than to have a child. Even if all this injecting and poking and prodding doesn’t work, at least I will have tried.