I was out last night for noodles with a friend, and after we parted I was walking home when (turn away until the next paragraph if this is TMI) I felt my period coming on, as in majorly damp underwear. Unusual for it to come on so suddenly with no crampy warnings but, hey, my system is probably a bit banjaxed at the moment. I kind of resignedly stopped off at the pharmacy for tampons and then ducked into the shopping centre’s toilets to examine the damage. Not my period after all – a white discharge. Very strange but that’s what you get for messing about with Mother Nature, I thought.
My hCG blood test at the clinic was at 9.40 this morning and they were to ring me back later in the day with the result, which I had explained was going to be a negative based on my pee on a stick version.
So there I was getting into the car at about 3pm today to go visit my friend who had her first baby on Wednesday (Obama Day – hope springs!), when the clinic rings. R asks me if I can talk and I say sure, shutting the car door so as not to set the neighbours afire. “So did you do a test?” “Yes, I explained to the nurse this morning that I did a test yesterday afternoon and it was a negative.” “But was there any line?” “Well, only if you squinted sideways and really used your imagination.” “And that test was not in the morning?” “No.” “Because your results today show a positive, albeit a weak one.” Not said in a very congratulatory tone, it has to be said. More of a consolatory (is that a word? All I can think of now is the Spanish for vibrator, consolador, such a mean word) one. As in, I could imagine her with a sincere but very worried smile.
Weak legs. “Okay, is this what they call a chemical pregnancy then?” “I don’t think so. I would advise you to take it very easy at the weekend and to have another blood test on Monday and we will see then what is happening.”
So I drove off thinking I was pretty calm – but when I drove over the kerb in the maternity hospital I reckoned I probably wasn’t.
So my weekend starts with something of a cliffhanger. I am fully prepared for the likelihood that I am/was pregnant but it isn’t going to stick/hasn’t stuck. As I’ve said before, loads of women probably get pregnant at this stage and lose it in blissful ignorance.
This would kind of chime with something that happened last week. This makes me sound like a nutter but what the hell. On Wednesday night, as I was changing for bed and putting my pyjama top over my head, I got the strongest smell of lilac. I couldn’t place it until I remembered I have one of those lilac pouches in my drawer. I had been wearing the same top for a few nights but hadn’t noticed it before. I had a brief moment of wondering if this was the “Cavewoman with child no eat poison berries” sense of smell thing, but it didn’t happen again. I wonder was there stuff afoot last week that didn’t take and maybe last night’s false alarm was the beginning of the end?
Honestly do not have a clue. As usual, I am managing my expectations and assuming it didn’t take.
But I will admit there is a glimmer of hope. I will keep up the progesterone gel and take it easy for the next two days. I’m out for dinner at a fancy restaurant tomorrow night (no fancy wine for me after all, must prepare my excuse) but nothing too strenuous planned for the rest of the weekend.
At the very least, on the PMA side, my old body seems to be capable of getting pregnant, and on the first try.
So watch this space. Either way, there will be an answer on Monday.