Despite the plans to divert my thoughts elsewhere, this two week wait is dragging. Unlike in the first two, I have had a positive feeling about this whole cycle. I know this means a longer distance to fall if it’s a negative. The stakes feel higher now and I haven’t been managing my expectations as carefully as before.
I’m trying not to analyse things that would probably be happening in my body anyway but it’s a battle. I’m a little bit crampy today. I have spots on my forehead for the first time in donkeys but that could be because I’m on the smoothies big time – plus, I have mild acne rosacea anyway, which sometimes give me a spot or two, though never on my forehead. My sense of smell is keen but then it usually is. In the chemical pregnancy first cycle, I noticed my breasts looking slightly veiny and I’m beady-eyed now every morning watching for this. I’ve been 32/34A all my bra-wearing life, so bigger boobs in pregnancy would be a huge novelty for me (though what a waste!). Even making it to a B cup would be intriguing.
I was out today (warning: TMI coming up – skip to next paragraph if queasy) and felt watery discharge, which in the last two cycles happened around the blood test. The test is still a week off at the mo. When I got home, it wasn’t the watery stuff of both those times but a creamier mucous. You could drive yourself mental looking this stuff up, so I’m not going to. It would probably be about as useful as reading tea leaves or animal entrails for me, as I haven’t paid attention over the years to what’s normal for me at different times. I did learn recently that the watery discharge I experienced in those last cycles that makes you “feel as though you’ve leaked urine in your underwear” (as explained on this babycenter.com page on Tracking your cervical mucus) is a normal part of many women’s cycles, just hadn’t featured in mine until I started taking fertility drugs.
Who knows if anything is going on in this body of mine at all.
I haven’t been unproductive though. Joining the trio of Aran cushion covers and of chunky knit scarves:
I really love its little turtleneck, jazzy.