Donors

I should be working but I can’t concentrate so will purge thoughts here instead.

Back to picking donors again today in time for the embryologist’s order at the end of the month. Kind of feels like going back in time to last summer and starting from scratch, which in most ways I suppose I am. Accompanied by a little more wisdom this time. Not to mention crappier eggs. I’ve kept to extended-profile, non-anonymous donors for now (only 17 of them available today) and given G four names to check.

I’m not stuck on any particular donor, as each has his pros and cons. As before, I’m picking men near to my age to make it (I hope?) less weird for the child. A lot of these guys seem to be students and I’d rather the donor was a little more than 19-20 years older than his offspring. The flipside of an older donor is the higher likelihood that they won’t be around if and when the child tries to track them down. Hopefully that won’t be the case. And, actually, maybe a mature, settled donor is more likely than a feckless student to still be traceable in 20 years, so there’s a flipside to the flipside too. How many non-anonymous donors turn out not to be findable/available when it comes to the crunch, anyway?

Regardless of who I end up with, I don’t want to get attached to any donor, as we don’t know if this round will work. My top choice today wrote a lovely letter talking about the satisfaction he feels in knowing he is helping others by donating. He seems like a very nice, thoughtful and intelligent man. Many of the donors appear to have altruistic motives and have been inspired to donate because they know people who have had trouble conceiving and because children have enriched their own lives.

Would I donate eggs? Probably no one would want the eggs of a 40 year old, so it’s an academic question. If I had had the foresight to freeze my eggs five or 10 years ago and was asked if I would donate some eggs as part of my own treatment, I like to think I would have considered it seriously. Because of the drugs involved and the invasiveness of the procedures, I’m not sure I would be big-hearted enough to do it for purely altruistic reasons if I wasn’t undergoing fertility treatment myself. Women who do that deserve kudos. I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t do it for purely financial reasons. The money could have come in handy during my student years but I doubt I would have had the maturity then to make a sound decision about whether I wanted a potential future child created using my eggs.

It’s interesting that Spain, with its huge economic crisis, has become a big provider of donor eggs in Europe. A woman in this article on egg donation in Spain had her eggs harvested 14 times in two years (not technically permitted) because she needed the money. It makes me uncomfortable to think of women messing with their bodies in this way just because they’re under financial pressure.

One thing is for sure: I’ll be advising any daughter of mine, and all my nieces when they are old enough, to consider freezing their eggs early. I would hate for their thirties to be overshadowed by a massive ticking clock as mine were. Life is bloody complicated enough.

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This entry was posted in biological clock, donor insemination, fertility clinic, in-vitro fertilisation, IVF, pregnancy, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, solo mom, sperm donor, trying to conceive, ttc and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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