€21,000 lighter and half a stone heavier

I had my third frozen embryo transfer on 25 June. In case my immune problems still weren’t sorted out, I decided to transfer just one of my two remaining embryos. Better to have only one gobbled up by my crazy-*ssed immune system.

The only addition to my cycle this time was Neupogen, used in cancer treatment and another way to trick the immune system into “standing down” in the belief that there are already enough white cells floating around. As planned, Dr L injected one dose directly into my uterus eight days before transfer and I injected the second one into my stomach two days later.

Other than that, all was as, or a variation of, FET #2 – usual extras were Metformin 850mg twice a day to combat my (potential) PCO-trait insulin resistance, a dose of intralipids before and after transfer for immune issues, blood thinner Clexane (40mg this time, not 20mg) and steroids (the correct dosage of 5 x 5mg a day).

The steroids are horrible. Back in April, Dr L suggested taking them before bed, as last time the full dosage made me too wired to sleep. I was able to sleep, ish, this time but woke up constantly with a chest drenched in sweat and my heart hammering.

Somehow, I don’t think this is the best environment in which to house a freshly thawed embryo. I kind of knew this cycle was a bust, as I had no symptoms, unlike in March (and a huge craving for coffee for some reason, not a good sign…), and I was right. My blood test on Monday confirmed I wasn’t pregnant. I don’t know if this was just a dud embryo or an immune thing. I have a phone consultation with Dr L on Monday but guess she won’t really know either.

My remaining embryo from last summer’s collection is a six-day blastocyst. The other five were five-day blasts ie they reached blast stage as they are supposed to on day five. The clinic doesn’t seem too keen on six-day blasts, hence this one being at the end of the list, but one positive is that I think prospects for these slower blasts are actually better in frozen than fresh cycles. This one will be transferred some time toward the end of August, all going according to plan.

As you can tell by my three-month absence and tone, I’m disengaged from this whole process. Still no tears but I am p*ssed off. I know how lucky I am to have some decent eggs left at my age but I feel I’m spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast, while time speeds by, other people have kids, and birthdays and anniversaries clock up. The €21k I’ve spent has scuppered my house-buying plans for now. If this next frozen cycle (cost approx €2.2k) fails, I face the prospect of a fresh IVF cycle at the cost of nearly €7k with all my immune extras, plus the inevitable couple of months’ wait to order new sperm (my heart really sinks at the prospect of going back to square one with donor selection). I’m not sure if I can go there financially. The prospect of being overstimulated again also scares me (assuming I have some eggs left to overstimulate).

On the brighter side, I had Green Eggs & Ham (posh, with avocado, chorizo and runny, non-pregnancy-safe eggs) and a beautiful coffee at the weekend following a negative home test on Friday. Sushi is next on my to-eat list. I also hit House of Fraser today and bought two tops and two pairs of trousers from Linea Weekend. I have to wean myself off the steroids over 10 days, so no alcohol yet, but I will confess to no desire for booze whatsoever these days, one good outcome of this process.

I don’t think I will be posting much in the next month or so, as it’s just more of the same old boring cycling, but I will check in if there’s any news.

This entry was posted in biological clock, choice mom, donor insemination, fertility clinic, in-vitro fertilisation, IVF, long protocol IVF, single mom, single mother by choice, single motherhood, single mum, solo mom, trying to conceive, ttc and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to €21,000 lighter and half a stone heavier

  1. Ella says:

    Hi, just came across your blog by chance a few months ago, and have been checking weekly to see if you had any updates. Sorry this transfer didn’t work out. I’m in the same boat, well I am married, but roughly same age and same history, same clinic, and probably live in the same area as you. Just wanted to say I love the way you write, clever, witty, you are my kind of girl! You are fab girl and you will get there. All the best x

  2. Hi Ella, lovely that you got in touch and thanks so much for your kind comments. It’s always nice to hear from people on the fertility road. I’m just in a funk right now but I know I’ll be out of it soon, already loving not being on the drugs. Are you cycling right now – is it IVF?

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