I’ve been quite down and was bracing myself for today’s scan, climbing the walls and getting no work done. The scan was at 2.20pm and done by the nice nurse who used to be Dr L’s sidekick many moons ago when I started off at the clinic, now fully qualified and flying solo. I told her of my fears, about the slight bleed and lack of any pregnancy symptoms in the last few days, and she said she would tell me as soon as she could see anything conclusive on the scan.
She could see a gestational sac but it was proving very hard to pin down because of its location, quite low down I think, with a lot of shadows obscuring the view. When she said, “I can hear a heartbeat,” I was prepared for an irregular, sad, slow beat like the one we heard in March. Instead, it was beating away nicely and “137 beats, really strong”. And all was great. I measured at 7 weeks, which is fine for 7 weeks 2 days, and 1cm wide. There was no bleeding except a trace at the cervix, which was indeed probably due to the Crinone. I’ve never had anyone else in with me during a scan or procedure but I asked the nurse to call my mother in, and we showed her the little heart flickering white in the middle of the embryo. Amazing.
Because of my history, we’re doing another scan in two weeks, and hopefully the run-up to that will feel less torturous.
I still can’t believe it. I don’t feel happiness yet, just pure disbelief. It would be nice to feel like a normal person who gets pregnant and automatically assumes everything is going to be okay and starts shopping for baby stuff and doesn’t assume the worst is going to happen. Maybe not being scared comes with time. I’m very thankful but I think this is going to take a while to sink in.
The scans show the tiny embryo. In the first scan, it’s at the top of the darker gestational sac and measures 1.00 cm, with a gestational age of 7w0d. If you squint, you can see the white flash of the heartbeat in the centre below the top measuring line. The second scan shows the foetal heart rate of 137 bpm.