About me

A familiar story, I guess – my 39th birthday was the deadline for making a decision on whether or not to (attempt to) embark on single motherhood. That deadline passed in April 2012 and the following June I made contact with a fertility clinic, after first talking to my very lovely and understanding GP.

This was a decision that had been in the making for a good 4.5 years, since my long-term boyfriend and I finally broke up. It was not one I took lightly. I’m sure no woman chooses this path without a huge amount of reflection, agonising and mixed feeling.

Having made the decision, however, I felt nothing but enormous relief. The stress of trying to negotiate the world of dating and relationships in your mid-30s with an enormous, invisible (to him) clock ticking away in the background was gone. Although I might never have a relationship again, if I do it will be because I want to be with the man and he with me, not because I need a Daddy Donor. I actually wish I’d made the plunge sooner, but you’re ready when you’re ready, I suppose. I hope I haven’t left it too late.

Trying to conceive (ttc) at this age is a long road and, if I get there, pregnancy will just be the beginning. There’s the nine months, and then the 18 years, and then some…

Reading about the experiences of fellow TTCing bloggers helps a lot, as does having a sense of humour about this often ridiculous process.

Anyhow, fingers crossed, legs uncrossed and let’s see how this goes.

PS. In case you were wondering, the “Wear your aprons high, single ladies!” line is from a phrase I came across the week I started this blog. Wearing your apron high is a euphemism for being pregnant, apparently. The image of an apron worn high over a bump is a nice one, I think.

IUI #1: October 2012 − chemical pregnancy
IUI #2: November 2012 − negative result
IUI #3: January 2013 − negative result

Now bringing out the big guns
IVF #1: started June 2013; six embryos frozen in July − transfer delayed due to mild OHSS
FET #1: two five-day embryos transferred 11 September 2013 − negative result

Post-FET tests indicated very high levels of: i) inflammatory cytokines (CD4:CD8 ratio); ii) natural killer cells (NKCs); and iii) CD56 NKCs. Took concentrated Omega 3 for eight weeks pre-FET#2 to tackle cytokine levels and continued with the same dosage during the cycle. Also had three doses of intralipids and on 25mg steroids, 20mg blood thinner and aspirin during the cycle to tackle NKCs. Plus, on Metformin for the cycle after building up to 850mg twice a day, as I may have insulin resistance (high ovarian reserve/ovarian response indicate PCO traits). No, I don’t know what most of that means, either.

FET #2: started late January 2014; two five-day embryos transferred 13 March 2014 Positive result but miscarriage around five weeks

FET #3: started mid-May 2014; one five-day embryo transferred 25 June 2014. Meds as previous cycles with higher level of blood thinner (40mg) and addition of Neupogen to further depress immune system (first injection directly into uterus eight days before transfer and second injection self-administered into stomach six days before transfer) – negative result

FET #4: started early August 2014; one six-day embryo transferred 16 September 2014 Meds as FET #3 (Clexane, Neupogen, Metformin, Omega 3, intralipids) except lower dose of steroids (10mg) − chemical pregnancy

IVF #2: started January 2015, long agonist protocol – two fresh five-day embryos (blast and morula) transferred 8 February 2015
Gonal F 100 and Menopur 75, plus other meds as FETs (Clexane, Neupogen, Metformin, Omega 3, intralipids)
Positive result but miscarriage around eight weeks

FET #5: started early June 2015; one six-day embryo transferred 17 July 2015. Meds as FET #4 (Clexane, Neupogen, Metformin, Omega 3, intralipids, steroids)
Positive result – due date 3 April 2016

My beautiful boy born 1 April 2016 by c-section

14 Responses to About me

  1. Pingback: Single Moms Connecting With Single Moms « Single Mothers of Mary

  2. c141re says:

    Just come across your blog and I am also single and considering IUI. I look forward to reading about your journey :) good luck!

    • Choice says:

      Hi C141re, thanks for your kind words. Making the decision to go for this was the hardest part for me – everything since then has felt like it was meant to be. Good luck with your thinking!

      • c141re says:

        Making the decision was kind of the easy part for me it’s taking the next step which is proving the hard part for me because I am terrified about going through the treatment and what it involves!

  3. loa says:

    Came across your site while procrastinating by obsessively perusing SMC & IVF sites online. I’m also in the UK & trying for the same later this month. Helps to hear about others. I made the same choice at 38, froze eggs & embryos; then decided not to wait and started with an IUI at 39, which failed. Then decided to go full throttle with IVF in September — fail. Let’s hope third time’s a charm! Best of luck to you and anyone else going through this experience.

    • Choice says:

      Hi there, nice to hear from you:-) It really perks me up reading about other people’s experiences. Good call freezing your eggs at 38, wish I had done the same! When is your next go?

      • loa says:

        Hi – thanks, I wish I’d frozen much earlier, but still good to have them ‘in the bank’ in case this next attempt doesn’t work (although they were on the same protocol as my failed IVF last fall, after which I changed doctors). I’m down regulating now, and my current RE anticipates a retrieval around 25-26 Feb. I’ll hope that by that time, you’ll be posting about how nauseated you’re feeling. :)

      • Choice says:

        I’m not down with the IVF lingo but that sounds like progress ;-) You still have time on your side, so it will happen. I’m hitting 40 in a few months – thought this would be done and dusted by that time! Best of luck with round three.

  4. Truth says:

    Hello, lovely to read about others on the same journey. When I turned 39 I made the same decision. My first cycle of stimulated IUI was successful but sadly I miscarried at 9 weeks. That was 3 months ago. I am about to start again next week. Who knows what will happen? No one said it would be easy but I can’t look back when I’m older and wish I’d given it a really good go. Good luck everyone x

    • Choice says:

      Hi there, thank you very much for posting. Yes, I find it really helpful to read about other people’s experiences and to hear from them. Miscarrying at nine weeks must have been very tough – very encouraging that you became pregnant first go though. Best of luck this time around – starting a cycle is very exciting!

  5. claire brockman moody says:

    Hello!! Lovely to stumble upon this site…i didnt know they existed. My road seems a long one and I have never, not even for as dplit second regretted it. My sons have been difficult to come by….here goes!
    Son #1..12 a.i’s before he came with as ‘known donor’
    Son #2…1 a.i with a different known donor …but premature and poorly boy (apl great now tho!)

    • Hi there, thanks very much for your message. It’s always lovely to hear from other SMCs or SMCs to be. That was a very succinct summary of what I’m sure has been a very long and hard-fought battle – but no doubt worth every second. I was surprised too to discover the variety of blogs out there and the very supportive community :-)

  6. Amber Bell says:

    Hello, my name is Amber Bell and I am very touched by your miscarriage song!!! I am 35 years old and I have been wanting, waiting, longing and aching to be a mother since I was 4 years old. I got married almost 3 years ago and we TTC right away. I got pregnant on our 1st Anniversary but we lost our son at 24weeks (2 days before my 34th birthday). I got pregnant again 3 months later but lost that baby as well at 6weeks. My husband and I have been trying for another 14 months to get pregnant and I just found out I was pregnant on Wednesday, but it looks almost positive that I will lose this baby as well. I will find out for sure on Monday.

    I thought I had put all the pregnancy and child loss songs (that I have been listening to for the past 14 months) behind me and that I was happy to move on and look forward to take home rainbow babies. Now though with this impending loss, I am back to heart-wrenching grieving songs.

    I just came across your All Too Well song and although it has grieving in it too, it does have hope and encouragement from the child that was lost. As I get back to the very start of the grieving journey (even though it has only been a few days, I know I will still grieve for this child), I will cling to this song to let me know I will get through this because I am not alone and I am strong. Also, this song will encourage me to keep on TTC no matter how many times I fall and get knocked down.

    I wish you the very best on your TTC journey and hope you will have a Little One in your arms very soon!!!

    Thanks again so much for the song!!! It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!!!

    • Hi Amber, thank you very much for getting in touch and sharing your story. I can’t imagine how distressing it must be to lose a baby at 24 weeks. Miscarriages are so hard to deal with and it seems there are many women out there going through the same thing. You might have seen elsewhere on the blog that I rewrote the words of that Taylor Swift song, “All Too Well”, for another blogger, Barren Betty, after she suffered a very sad miscarriage https://barrenbetty.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/crumpled-up-piece-of-paper-lying-here/. Well, Betty is now the proud mother of little Baby Nora, so the hopeful notes in the song came to be for her. It won’t be long before they come true for you, too. Best of luck tomorrow.

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